I'm starting to think I need professional help... But don't know where to go and JP wouldn't allow it.
So I guess I'm screwed
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Some days
JP can be pretty hard on me about not "being happy."
How can I be happy like wants when every day I'm told & reminded how people dislike me because of my personality and whatever else I've ever done wrong.
I just want to scream and crawl in a hole some where. If I didn't have Sam I don't know...
How can I be happy like wants when every day I'm told & reminded how people dislike me because of my personality and whatever else I've ever done wrong.
I just want to scream and crawl in a hole some where. If I didn't have Sam I don't know...
Saturday, February 5, 2011
For me...
I need to remember that while I'm trying to make everyone else happy that it's okay to make myself happy ( cause no one else will!)
I should be taking a quick shower while the munchkin is taking his morning nap, but I can't get motivated off the sofa. A week of not sleeping will do that... Oh yes one of the many things that have gone sideways since having the Samster. A list of things going wrong in my body and brain...
Hair has gone wavy... It was never dead straight but it's wavy and all crazy now
Right knee is killing me, this went away while pregnant and returned with some angry friends
Morton's neuroma returned in the left foot
Heavy heavy HEAVY monthlies with lots of emotional issues the week before (fun times)
Skin is crazy sensitive to the point where my own tears irritate the area around my eyes.
And now not sleeping, I've had entire nights where I haven't slept a wink.... And I'm going on a week of only 4 hours a night.
Super happy fun times.
All of that combined with constant stress over relationships and I'm crazy worn out.... But can't say anything to anyone because no one wants to a hear it so I figured my blog was dead long enough that no one would see if I started it up again. I need an outlet.
Sam is doing just fine, thank God. I'm always worried and stressed out about him because of all the issues we've had. I don't know how common our issues aree because people dont talk honestly about motherhood because I think most people feel a need to put on a front of false perfection. I should qualify that as people I know... Which aren't many I admit, I'm too difficult evidently for female friendship.
I have enrolled Sam in Little Gym which is 100% for his benefit and development. I have no illusions that I'll make any friends there which I know I shouldn't think that way but with everything that's happened it's how my brain is now wired. I go in assuming people dislike me and I'm not willing to go through a that pain and disappointment again. Sam likes the crawling around and some of the activities and isn't phased by the few walkers who push the other babies out of the way. He just brushes their hands off and keeps doing what he was doing. It makes me laugh to see him in action.
Well, I really better shower. I am expected at lunch today so I better get in gear.
I should be taking a quick shower while the munchkin is taking his morning nap, but I can't get motivated off the sofa. A week of not sleeping will do that... Oh yes one of the many things that have gone sideways since having the Samster. A list of things going wrong in my body and brain...
Hair has gone wavy... It was never dead straight but it's wavy and all crazy now
Right knee is killing me, this went away while pregnant and returned with some angry friends
Morton's neuroma returned in the left foot
Heavy heavy HEAVY monthlies with lots of emotional issues the week before (fun times)
Skin is crazy sensitive to the point where my own tears irritate the area around my eyes.
And now not sleeping, I've had entire nights where I haven't slept a wink.... And I'm going on a week of only 4 hours a night.
Super happy fun times.
All of that combined with constant stress over relationships and I'm crazy worn out.... But can't say anything to anyone because no one wants to a hear it so I figured my blog was dead long enough that no one would see if I started it up again. I need an outlet.
Sam is doing just fine, thank God. I'm always worried and stressed out about him because of all the issues we've had. I don't know how common our issues aree because people dont talk honestly about motherhood because I think most people feel a need to put on a front of false perfection. I should qualify that as people I know... Which aren't many I admit, I'm too difficult evidently for female friendship.
I have enrolled Sam in Little Gym which is 100% for his benefit and development. I have no illusions that I'll make any friends there which I know I shouldn't think that way but with everything that's happened it's how my brain is now wired. I go in assuming people dislike me and I'm not willing to go through a that pain and disappointment again. Sam likes the crawling around and some of the activities and isn't phased by the few walkers who push the other babies out of the way. He just brushes their hands off and keeps doing what he was doing. It makes me laugh to see him in action.
Well, I really better shower. I am expected at lunch today so I better get in gear.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)