FB is tha debil!!!

Heh... probably one of the best previews ever simply because of the music & the unsaid side of why people are on FB to begin with. Plus as my friend Olga said, it shows how haunting and beautiful Thom Yorks lyrics are and how they hold up. I believe it's a cover by PS22 a public school in NY who cover current songs frequently in their schools choir and make them just beautiful.

I say FB is bugging me because recently it's become like the high school caf all over again. Maybe it's because I'm not at an office job anymore that this bugs me more and doesn't roll off as easily.

It never gets easier when you find out you weren't invited/included in something no matter how stupid the thing is.

Someone is waking from a nap and doesn't sound to happy about it.

Seems like everyone is gone...

There have been good days and bad days... and good hours and bad hours.

On the good side. Slowly, Lil' P's torticollis continues to improve but he dislikes everything he has to do to make it better. Plus, that little guy doesn't seem to like much of anything except being flat on his back and on the flatter side of his head! Excersauser, not much. Jumper... I will NOT JUMP in this! I will chew on it. Swing... NEVER! Tummy time... I will chunk up everything I've ever eaten until you PICK ME UP (or give up rolling me back). Yep he's very decided.

Bad side, my wrists and elbows are killing me. I thought it was just carpal tunnel acting up again but evidently it's the back of the hand not the inside of the wrist where the problem is. It's the tendon that's back there that's like around the thumb or something like that... anyway it's all kinds of unhappy and I can't find my splits from when the carpal tunnel got really bad a few years back. On the bright side the palative care is the same so splints at night and tylenol when it gets bad and it should lessen. Surgery is not what I'm looking for so hopefully I can hold that off again.

So yeah... I've been kicking around the idea of joining a "mommy" group but having a hard time navagaiting all of it. The groups out here all seem very... I dunno... like one of them they have to interview you... and that just seems odd. I'm not good with people so that one is right out I would never pass the interview and I really don't want to join one that seems to want to be exclusive. So yeah... that's all on hold which doesn't help the loneliness that sets in. I've looked for a MOPS group and there are a bunch of those and they seem to be based on which neighborhood you're in and most seem to meet in local churches but a good number have member limits... so maybe it's best to just wait for school to start and see if the ranks thin out as people get busy.

We leave for California in a few weeks. I've asked JP if I can get a massage at the hotel in Monterey since it has a spa. Need to book that this week to make sure I get what I want. Too often at those places all the massage time gets booked and all you can get is a facial or mani/pedi.

Still worried about traveling. Not so much about Lil' P... he's gonna do what he's gonna do I can just be prepared with food, toys, clothing, etc... it's the other people on the plane that you don't know what they'll do that worries me. Not that it should... that same personality type that's gonna be rude or down right nasty because you have a kid is gonna be an inflammed a-hole no matter what because that's just how they are. It's just seems like society as a whole has no idea of proportion, no patience for anyone else, and this very wierd idea that NOTHING EVERY CAN INFRINGE ON THEM or you're disrespecting them or some how ruining their trip/day/life. Oh yes, we've had people move tables at freakin' SALT GRASS because Sam was babbeling on and being passed back and forth between me and JP. Hey, I'm all for people choosing to be child-free and that's great if that's how you want to live your life but don't go into a place like Salt Grass (or a public plane, a mall etc) and except no kids and if there are kids that they are gonna be silent. If I was at a posh steak house like Brennar's or a high end boutique well then yes I'm at fault for taking a baby there but public none posh places you'll have to deal. At the same time... you have to try and sooth your kid or teach them (when they're older) how to act in public. One lady made her daughter apologize for cutting infront of me at Gymboree the other week... kid was 3 and it was sweet because she really meant it and the mom made a point of manners being important.

HEY! That could be the next thing airlines charge for... baby-free flights HA!

Not looking forward to it...

Today Sam has his four month doctor's appointment.

Not only will he be getting shots, but I'm assuming the doc will evaluate his little head regarding the flattening and a possible corrective helmet. I feel like such a failure that all of this is happening to Sam. He's such a good baby he doesn't need this put on him and I can't help but think I should have known this was coming and prevented it some how.

I haven't been up to much since everyone left. Just the usual daily routine with Sam and then the smattering of things with JP's friends.

We are planning a trip to California because we are insane. I like the line from Modern Family, "Honey, I'm a Mom. This isn't a vacation it's a business trip."

Sam will be just over 5 months when we go so I have a list of questions for the doc about what he thinks is best for food, sun protection etc. I'm already taking his electric bottle sterilizer since I have to take a two week case anyway. It's more about the water issue. Bottled baby water vs buying a hot pot to boil water or a camping sterilizer.

So that's about it. Aside from working with Sam on his neck muscle and trying to teach him that day time naps are great it's all pretty quiet here.

Returning to whatever normal is these days...

Lil' P's entourage has returned to just 2, me and JP. Finally.

We've had seven weeks nearly straight of visitors. Broken up by a couple of days inbetween the three groupings.

First was my sister and mother in law. I will only say that passive aggressive runs DEEP in the British culture whichever country within that Empire you come from. Give me American bluntness any day of the week thank you very much.

I chalk it up to an older generation, culture and the usual a girl will never measure up to what a mother thinks her son deserves. I hope I don't turn out like that when Lil P is all grown up. I just couldn't catch a break. It was a bit more in check when my sister in law was around and that's about it.

The guys came next and that was the usual where in everyone else has a blast and I end up stuck doing their laundry. Even after saying I flat out wouldn't do it, that I was more than happy to show people how to use the machine.

Then mother in law returned again to stay on her own. With no buffer at all and JP taking zero days of vacation. So the jabs got worse where in by the end she was making comments about what I eat. There was a great deal of biting of my tongue but it was close a few times.

But I also know where JP gets the attitude of drop everything and take care of what I need regardless of what you may be smack in the middle of.

*sigh*
I don't think my MIL dislikes me, I just think I'm not really considered family to her and will always be treated at arms length.

She left yesterday just before the weather started to turn with that tropical storm growing stronger in the gulf. I felt bad as she was a bit panicked by the weather and I tried to reassure her the storm is/was waaay far out but like JP she doesn't listen and just fretted all morning long.

Acutually as I type this she should be nearing her destination as she should have left LA just about 12hrs ago or a bit more. She'll be happy to be home and get back to a routine.

Today hasn't gone as planned because Lil P woke up crazy early at 5am. After two weeks of sleeping 12hours. We are thinking he needs his bottle upped a tad and he took the increase today no problemo. Here's hoping he sleeps better tonight.

Tomorrow the therapist comes for his torticollis. Because of certain visitors I haven't been able to work with Lil P the way I really wanted to. I'm afraid that really means a corrective helmet is coming. I was hoping to avoid it, but the flattening hasn't improved if anything it's worse because I couldn't be as aggressive with his tummy time as I wanted to be. I always had a certain someone looming over my shoulder telling me he's to tired, doesn't like it, or I'll take him. Grrr! The best I had were those 10 days in the middle... not good.

The thought of the helmet just makes me burst into tears because I feel like I failed Lil P some how. I'm just heart broken over it.

Run on medication

So like a week ago JP tells me to throw out the Infant Tylenol we got in a gift basket that it's all been recalled. We haven't needed it so I figured I'd just pick up some generic at some point before Lil' P's first round of jabs.

I finally get around to it today... three stores later...

it's like locusts came down and eat up all the generic medication at Target, CVS, and Walgreen's.

How much you want to be people freaked out and bought more than one new bottle. Sheesh!

I called my parents and asked them to keep an eye out because next week is the round of jabs and Lil' P will get a fever from it.

Drives me nuts that stuff like this keeps happening. It's like whenever I'm doing something that should be mundane it turns into a hassel. Like flu season while I was pregnant... every day the news had a story how I'd probably catch it and die because I was pregnant and I couldn't get the friggin' shot anywhere because I had insurance. Ugh!

At the third location I was able to find a generic. I'll take it with me so the doctor can tell me how much to dose the little guy. He shouldn't have to suffer because the rest of Katy was sent into a Tylenol panic.

Little guy was difficult this morning and wouldn't let me put him down at 2 in the crib... so he's been napping next to me in his bouncer. Good thing I did the laundry yesterday... figured this would happen making household chores near impossible.

This Friday begins The Descent. JP's Mom & Sister come first. I can already feel I'm gonna have to be a bitch and put my foot down. The flight gets in at 3pm. Lil P eats at 4 and Houston Rush hour starts at 3:30... JP is under the delusion that Lil P is going to the airport. I.Don't.Think.So. And I don't care if his family wants to see him as soon as they're off the plane. Ain't.Gonna.Happen. I'm not throwing off his whole night at best, or have a screaming infant stuck in rush hour traffic at worst just to satisfy someone else who isn't thinking about what's good for the baby.

On our way to some sort of answer...

I finally got the nerve to call and speak with a nurse at the doctor's office.

Yesterday afternoon Sam's bucking and squealing just broke me down. Something HAD to be wrong, but what? and how to help him. It's not right for a baby so small to not want to be held & fight so much when he's fussing like a mad thing.

So I called and explained to the nurse what's going on and what I've been doing to help the little guy (frequent burping, keeping him upright for 20 minutes after feeding etc) and she said it was either reflux or the formula but it's not clear probably because it's a mild enough case either way.

She recommended I switch to a lactose free formula and give Sam until Tuesday (takes 3-4 days to see the full change she said) and if by Tuesday he's still bucking and spitting up (she confirmed the frequency is a sign of some issue) then to bring him in because it would point more to reflux and the doctor would want to check him out to then decide how best to help him.

So here's hoping he's just got a mild case of intolerance to the formula. I've switched him to a Similac formula that's lactose-free as Enfamil doesn't make one any more. Similac had two varieties. One that just said Lactose Free for fussiness & Gas and the other said R.S. for frequent spitting up (which I'm guessing is a thickened formula for babies with reflux issues). I opted for just the straight up lactose free one. If it is reflux I'm sure the doc will have us change the formula to something like that but no point is going there straight off incase it's just the lactose.

I will say the Similac get's very foaming if you're to vigorous in the shaking.

I feel better that the nurse agreed with my suspicions that this behavior that started up in Sam's 4th week werent' just normal. It just didn't feel right to me. He's not suffering colic, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have something else going on. I'm the only one who's seen when he totally looses it suddenly.

I feed him the first lactose free bottle at noon and he ate just fine. He's not only down for a nap, but napping in the bassinet! Go me, he hasn't used that in a couple of weeks... since he started only napping 20 minutes at a time in the crib or bassinet. A long nap in a proper bed and not the bouncer, that makes me happy. even if it's the only time he does it this week... right now it makes me happy.

Don't know...

Well... it's been a difficult sort of week.

As good as yesterday, during the day, was with Sam... that's as confusing today was. I know every day is going to be crazy different for some time yet... and I guess the only way I can tell that everything is okay is in the long run the little guy is gaining weight.

Today he's only napped in his bouncer. He's shown all the signs of his that he's tired but he's just fusses with me and won't even be rocked to sleep. Put him in the bouncer and he's out in a few minutes and wakes up 3 hours later to be feed again.

I wonder if he has a mild intolerance to the formula. Fussiness, gas and I don't know where his BMs would fall on the chart of what could be expected. Mylicon doesn't seem to be helping all that much anymore with the night time gas either. Or if it is I can't imagine what he'd be like without it. I guess as difficult as he is during the day.

As much as I hate to do it, I'll going to call the doctor's office and see if I can leave a message for a nurse to call me back regarding the fussiness & gas which is impeding naps (and certain nightime feedings) if I'm paying more for a formula that's supposed to avoid fussiness & gas per their recommendation I think it's understandable that I'm confused by the outcome.

On a good note, the spit up has greatly reduced this week so here's hoping that if it was that flap he's grown a bit more and that's helped or he's just able to handle the amount of food better.

At least I have the bouncer so he can get more than a 20-30 minute nap after he eats. He can typically get a good hour if a bit more in the bouncer. So he eats & we deal with gas as best we can for an hour, a bit of playing on the mat if he's in the mood, and then a nap where he then wakes demanding to be changed and then fed. That's how today went.

Yesterday, he slept the entire time I went out and the 30 minutes after we got home before he woke up to eat. He then fell into a milk stupor right after eating and stayed asleep for two hours to eat again at 4 and sleep another hour. We like the sleepy days as we don't feel so lacking. I feel like I'm messing up a lot. No, I don't have anything to base it on except for the fact that Sam fusses and pushes away and can't seem to get comfortable.